Positive input: developing assertiveness skills in school

Have you ever felt obliged to go along with a decision simply because you’ve lacked the confidence to offer your (much better) solution? Felt annoyed at the way a classroom ‘incident’ has deteriorated when a firmer or more decisive approach could have led to a positive outcome? Said ‘yes’ when every cell in your body is screaming ‘no’? If there’s even a chance that you might be nodding as you’re reading this, then in all probability you’d benefit from honing your skills of assertiveness.

There’s a fine line to walk between under-assertion and over-assertion. Behave too meekly and you risk the physical symptoms associated with feeling like a doormat, such as fatigue and headaches. Behave too dominantly, though, and you risk appearing aggressive. The healthy balance between the two is what effective teachers aim for.

What is assertive behaviour?
In her book Developing Assertiveness (Routledge, 1991), Anni Townend describes assertiveness as being about self-confidence. ‘It means being honest with yourself and with others; and it is about respecting yourself and others. When you are self-confident and your behaviour is assertive you are open to others and their views even though they may be different from your own. You are able to express yourself clearly and communicate effectively.’

People who are comfortable with the idea of being assertive will:

• Be aware when their rights, feelings or opinions are being compromised
• Respect the views of others, even when disagreeing
• Express feelings and emotions with ease
• Avoid raising their voice and using disrespectful language when communicating with others
• Say ‘no’ when they need to
• Feel happy to participate in group situations
• Take responsibility for their thoughts and actions
• Ask for what they need
• Use compromise to settle conflict

Aggression or assertion?
There are distinct differences between aggression and assertion, but most people can think of examples of when they’ve been on the receiving end of an aggressive person’s self-perceived assertion!

An aggressor will invariably seek to claim a victim in his communications with others. Through humiliation, intimidation and body language the aggressor will manipulate situations and events for a desired result.

Assertiveness, although sometimes confused with aggression, displays none of these characteristics. Through considering what is reasonable and what is not and communicating displeasure and frustration in an acceptable way as and when these emotions arise, the would-be assertive person will never stray into the realms of aggression.

Passiveness
As the author Anne Dickson once said, ‘you can still behave agreeably without having to pretend to agree’. The overly passive person will view offering an opinion that differs from that of others as evidence that they will no longer be seen as a ‘nice person’.

At an extreme, the passive person will avoid group situations and recoil from doing anything other than follow the instructions given, however strongly they disagree with them. In a school, as in just about any context, this is potentially extremely damaging. Without a team in which all members feel able to contribute ideas, thoughts and opinions, the school is unlikely to be able to develop and adapt to the environment in which it must function.

Assessing your assertiveness
If you can agree with any of the following statements, it is likely that you could benefit from developing your assertiveness skills:

• It’s not OK to put yourself first
• You will be disliked if you assert yourself
• It’s OK to be sensitive towards others but you shouldn’t expect similar consideration in return
• Duty, ‘oughts’ and ‘shoulds’ must take precedence over what you want to do
• You have no right to request help
• You have to strive for perfection – your mistakes (in particular) won’t be tolerated
• It’s OK not to receive recognition for your achievements

How did you do?

Developing assertiveness
There are a few easy techniques to use at school that can help to get you into the habit of thinking and behaving like an assertive person:

• When communicating with others (colleagues and pupils alike), use direct language to convey what you mean. Don’t rely on your body language or expression to tell the story as you will almost certainly be disappointed! State with clarity what you’d like to happen.
• In virtually all conflict situations at school it will be possible to separate the problem from the people involved. This is really important. It’s not possible to prevent assertion from slipping into aggression if you insinuate that personal character defects are at fault. Deal with the problem, as this is easiest to transform.
• Be specific when tackling difficulties. What, precisely, is it that is hindering you or that you would like to address? Break the issue down into it’s smallest components. Once you have identified the source of a problem, the solution is in reach.
• Don’t be afraid to use phrases such as ‘I believe’, ‘I think’, ‘I need’, ‘I would like’. Take ownership!
• Adopt the ‘broken record’ technique if your requests aren’t heard. This can work with both colleagues and with pupils and basically involves repeating your message several times to ensure that you are not persuaded away from the outcome you desire. For example, when talking to pupils about what they should achieve in a given time, you might say: ‘In the next ten minutes I’d like you to have completed two paragraphs. This will give you enough time to complete the whole task by the end of the lesson. So, make sure that you have completed two paragraphs in the next ten minutes.’

Saying ‘No’
We all say ‘yes’ when we’d truly love to say ‘no’ at some stage of our lives and unless we really focus on knowing the difference between being flexible and being taken for granted, it’s easy to end up feeling resentful. The skill is in explaining your reasons for saying ‘no’. There’s no need to over-apologise or go into lengthy and detailed explanations, but a brief justification for your position will make it harder for someone to pressure you into changing your mind. You could even offer a compromise solution if meeting the request half-way would suit you.   

Simply being mindful of how assertively you act at work can help you to avoid feeling ‘put upon’ or at odds with what is going on around you. And after all, it’s your views, ideas and contributions that will ultimately see you working successfully and adding significantly to your school’s community. You deserve to be heard, and your school deserves the opportunity to listen.     

There are ways of accessing more formal training in assertiveness. One option is an Internet-based course, such as that provided specifically for educators by Fieldwork Online Training, which offers a free trial enabling schools to judge whether or not the material offered suits their needs.

Originally published on Teachernet